（1）
Volunteer Work, Harmoniass Would
韩叶
江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高三3班
Have you ever guided a passenger losing his or her way? Have you ever donate your pocket monkey to strangers suffering disasters? Have you ever kept a homeless ouimal? If your ouswer is “Yes”, then congratulations[*1] you have done volunteer work.
To my mind you do need to exactly join a certain organization form is not important. [*2] Volunteer work means the work we want to do to help others out of our hearts withostconsidering whether [*3] it is renording. To sum up, sympathy, sacrifice passion[*4] and warm hearts make up volunteer work. And volunteer work really makes the world better.
Firstly, as far as individuals are concerned, volunteer work makes them take responsibilities for the society. Nowadays, most families have only one child. And the late 90s are considered to be a settish useless generation.[*5] However, one of my friends says that volunteen work made me[*6] mature. He was one of the volunteers of Beijing Olympic Ganes[*7] . He gained patience, stung will and an open mind through all the tough work. And now he understands that: “One should hever gain without payling.”
Secondly, to the society it is also signifigant. With volunteer work, people facing difficulties are helped, poor people are financidly asisted, so that the frinction will be reduced and the interpersonal relationships will be improved. How a harmonious society will it be! There is a couple living in Beijing. They began the in volunteer work when they were only college students. They went to a medical center to take care of and play with children there once a week. Neither wind nor snow stopped them. However, one sunday in 2007 they didn’t appear. And the reason ness that, the girl got cancer! The bay kept on going to the center on Sunday while taking cane of his girlfriend and working for medical expenses. The doctors ■ses and the childnes were touched deeply. Their story was published and the douation came soon. At the same time, more people went to help children there. In this way, their spirit transferred. Their volursteer work was paid back to them selves, which was hever inagined by them. Their sympathy waked up others’.
Laste [*8] I firmly believe that a nation full of helpful respousible people is surely a strong one a world full of spirit of symporthy and devotion is surely a beautiful one. I call on all people to do volunteer work, whatever it is, whatever the form it is in, just do it and we can harvest a harmonious world together!
专家建议：
有一定英语语感，但不是很强，中式英语有时还会出现，建议多读些英文原著，或看一些优秀范文，抓住里面的经典句型，自己多多练习。
专家点评：
专家点评：
文章以及疑问句开头，步步引出主题，很吸引人。文章结构清晰，语言表达比较准确，但句式变化不多，有些句子结构不紧凑。
——————————————————————————–
[*1]这里应该用动词，congratulate,所以改为 congratulate you for doing volunteer work
[*2]这句话头重脚轻了，最好写成 to my mind, it is not important to….
[*3]这里要用whether or not,所以在句尾要加上 or not.
[*4]这里用sacrifice 就表达清楚了，删掉passion.
Passion 是激情的意思。
[*5]在selfish后面加 and
[*6]你朋友说是让他成熟，而不是你，所以要改为him
[*7]句型变换，改为，who was one of the…不是更好吗？
[*8]用 Last but not least 更地道